Home of the Snarkmaiden

Previously, the main thing* I'd ever seen Zooey Deschanel in was Big Trouble, a greatly underrated comedy classic, as far as I'm concerned, and a movie of which I am thoroughly fond. In it Deschanel plays the too-cool-to-emote teenage daughter of Rene Russo and Stanley Tucci, and acquits herself perfectly well in the role. So I was a bit baffled by all the online scorn I would periodically see for her and how abidingly annoying she was. As far as I was concerned, she was far and away the less annoying Deschanel sister. Because really, I hate Bones with a deep and fiery passion.

Then last week I was surfing Netflix for something new to watch while finishing the scarf I was working on, and summoned up a couple of episodes of New Girl. Zoiks. Zounds. Dear god and all his little holy fucks, man that character is annoying. As if in response to big sister Emily Deschanel playing a smugly faux geek in Bones, in New Girl we get Zooey playing a smugly, sneeringly faux dork. It's excruciating, and awful, and yes, really, really annoying. I don't know to what degree either actress can be blamed for the obnoxiousness of the character she plays, but it's easy enough to conflate the actor with the character if you're not careful. And by golly Deschanel's New Girl character is annoying. As fuck.

(Brief review of social outcast taxonomy for those less familiar: geeks are highly intelligent under-socialized specialists, typically obsessively interested in, and more knowledgeable than anyone else in the room about, one or a few areas of some esoteric, abstruse, difficult or technical area of knowledge, especially, but not limited to, maths and sciences; nerds are highly intelligent and under-socialized generalists, possessed of ridiculously broad knowledge on a range of subjects, some technical, some not; dorks are the only averagely smart under-socialized, and while they may be obsessive about some area of interest, this will not be a technical subject, merely so far out of the mainstream and trivial-seeming that virtually no-one else cares about it, not even other social outcasts. And while geeks and nerds may have a few socially graceless, mawkish, cringe-worthy behavioral tics, for the dork, these are a manifold defining trait.)

Okay, so I probably should confess that of all the social outcast types, I am least enamored of dork protagonists. I vastly prefer geeks and nerds. I am quite the fan of Big Bang Theory, and cheered as much as anyone when we first got a nerd victory in Revenge of the Nerds. I still love Real Genius. But Napoleon Dynamite is just painful and horrifying all the way through. I enjoyed the original of The Office despite my squirmy discomfort with Ricky Gervais' character's dorky qualities, not because of them. I do make an exception for Milton in Office Space, who somehow manages to be dorky but charming, but in general I would rather not watch movies or TV shows about dorks at all, despite their overwhelming popularity. (In fact, one of our household bits of jargon is aimed specifically at the entire genre: YAMAD, Yet Another Movie About Dorks - and few things kill the likelihood of my seeing a movie faster than a trailer that gives indications of being YAMAD.) So New Girl was never going to be a show for me.

But beyond that, there's a hollow falseness about Deschanel's dork, a sort of smugly winking See-I'm-cool-but-I'm-playing-a-dork-for-the-lulz quality to the performance, that makes it outright unpleasant. Deschanel does not own the dorkitude, she holds it at arms length and so even the sad shreds of affection one might hold for a Napoleon Dynamite are lost. Not recommended.

* Other than minor, down-cast parts in things like Mumford and Almost Famous where I have no memory of her at all.

1. Especially when wearing a clean white shirt, but most any time really, if you've gone and left your wild blueberry yogurt sitting in a warm sunny spot on your desk long enough that the still-sealed foil top has begun to bulge with trapped expanding gasses, then when you finally open said yogurt, point the foil away from yourself. That, or start a campaign to get yogurt manufacturers to emboss the foil tops of their product with "This side towards enemy". Luckily, some shirts can be worn backwards pretty well, except where the tags itch against your clavicle.

2. I want to bear Malcolm Tucker's tattooed love child. Perhaps it's all those misspent hours on alt.peeves, but I am in starry-eyed, dumb-struck love with the epic, glorious, fecund efflorescence of graphic profanity that is the PM's "all-swearing eye." If you've never watched the marvelous political satires In the Loop and In the Thick of It, go forth and rectify your oversight immediately.