Progris Riport

[akirlu]

Called the folks Sunday and spoke to my Dad; they were just back from a visit to their place in Mariposa and my mother was down with something she reports as feeling like a gall stone attack. I've had gall stones. The pain starts at the level of the worst heartburn imaginable and can ramp up to feeling more like having a 6" diameter fence post driven through your chest. Only Vicodin took the corners off the pain for me, and that mostly by making me sleepy. But, the thing is, my mother has had her gall bladder out for over 43 years. Which leaves the question dangling of what is causing that pain. I have no answers. But I need to sit down and write a long letter to my mother.

And then there's me. I am remembering to breathe, and eat, and bathe, and feed the animals, and was able to get most of a night's sleep last night. I am drawing on the support of those who care about me, who are many, and generous, and I thank you all. libertango is my hero and the air I breathe. I've started re-reading His Dark Materials which should keep me distracted for a bit. Sometimes I feel the loss on a cellular level; it's an ache in the muscles of my arms and chest, in the same channels that adrenaline runs. But I had a strange touch of epiphany and grace just this morning, while reading tamiam's LJ, and it's with me still and for the moment, I feel surprisingly fine. I'm doing much better than I thought I would at work today, able to focus and accomplish things and interact normally. Hell, I feel the rumblings of the return of appetite. I will kick this thing, yes I will.

But for future reference? If you ever do feel the need to dump someone in e-mail? That would be the one time not to cc their work e-mail, so they can get it again a second time when they get back to the office. Because that would be just plain thoughtless and cruel. It's the little touches that make all the difference.

Comments

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I hope for increasing well-being for you.

K.

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

Thanks, K. Much appreciated.

[holyoutlaw.livejournal.com]

Flowers for Algernon!

Glad you're feeling better and taking care of yourself. Yeah!

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

Breathing is good. Lately I find that I've been breathing shallowly and that first deep breath of life feels like being held and loved for all I'm worth. That's still mine. So is remembering and knowing that when I am on the high of being in love, it's like light streaming through me and out in every direction. I'm going to keep that, and get back to it when I can, because it is the best of me. And the voice that reminded me to hold on to that came to me because of you; it was very trippy because I don't normally have things like that happen. So you are a force for amazing good in the universe. That is yours, and we are listening to you.