If I Were A Misnomer

[akirlu]

I refuse to call it a meme, but it is an amusing game to play with yourself when both hands need to be in plain sight in case the boss walks in. I swiped it from sneerpout and I'll see if I can't figure out how to hide it behind a


If I were a stone, I would be serpentine.
If I were a tree, I would be a white birch.
If I were a bird, I would be an osprey.
If I were a machine, I would be a cam driven milling machine.
If I were a tool, I would be an x-acto knife.
If I were a flower/plant, I would be lily of the valley.
If I were a kind of weather I would be blustery.
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be a hearth goddess.
If I were a musical instrument, I would be a lute.
If I were an animal, I would be a hedgehog.
If I were a color, I would be puce.
If I were an emotion, I would be levity.
If I were a vegetable, I would be spinach.
If I were a sound, I would be running water over stones.
If I were an element, I would be earth, dreaming of wind and water.
If I were a car, I would be a VW camper.
If I were a song, I would be Ruby Tuesday.
If I were a movie, I would be Much Ado About Nothing.
If I were a food, I would be marzipan.
If I were a place, I would be Stockholm.
If I were a material, I would be raw silk.
If I were a taste, I would be bitter almond.
If I were a religion, I would be Jesuit Agnosticism.
If I were a word, I would be propinquity.
If I were an object, I would be an egg.
If I were a body part, I would be a penis.
If I were a facial expression, I would be skepticism.
If I were a subject in school I would be rhetoric.
If I were a shape, I would be an equilateral triangle.
If I were a number, I would be 3.14156.
If I were a month, I would be May.
If I were a day of the week, I would be Saturday.
If I were a time of day, I would be dawn.
If I were a direction, I would be up.
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a chaise longue.
If I were a sin, I would be Sloth.
If I were a historical figure, I would be David Hume.
If I were a liquid, I would be 30-year-old Springbank.
If I were a method of death, I would be freezing.

Comments

[webbob.livejournal.com]

From your LJ name I'd've expected that if you were a bird, you'd be a curlew.

Bad Bob, no Corflu

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

Owowowowow. That particular pun had not occurred to me until you felt compelled to share. Thanks, heaps. Now it's an earworm.

[holyoutlaw.livejournal.com]

Here's another then:

If I were a misnomer
And you were my malaprop...

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

...together we'd always be gauche, no matter what names we drop?

It sounds like it ought to be a Broadway melody from a romantic comedy, possibly by the Gershwins. Alas, nothing I can think of scans quite right.

Re:

[holyoutlaw.livejournal.com]

If I were a carpenter
And you were a lady

But you're right, it doesn't scan. Alas!