Curse You, Anonymous Shredder Jammer

[akirlu]

Victory is mine, and I am mighty.

Armed only with a hemostat, hobby tweezers, and my considerable native cunning, I have managed to un-jam the office shredder from one of the most heroic jams I've ever seen. Oh, I was also armed with my bare hands. Did I mention those? I should have, because said bare hands are now decorated with an assortment of small cuts, bruises, and contusions. I am bleeding a bit, thank you very much. Also, I have a crick in my back, and machine oil in my hair.

There is a special circle of hell reserved for those who never check the shredder bin to see if the shredder is too full, who never change the bin bag when it is full, and who run far too many sheets at a time through the machine and then walk away from a disabled shredder they just jammed without a backward glance, and without telling anyone that it's jammed. I curse you deadly, anonymous shredder jammer.

Comments

[kaffy-r.livejournal.com]

*snort*

Having been forced to sit beside my mother upon a number of occasions, helping her shred at least nine centuries' worth of electrical bills and Readers Digest sweepstakes s/c/a/m/s offers - and clear shredded detritus Too. Many. Times. - I extend my full and complete sympathy.

[athenais.livejournal.com]

Personally, I always had it in for Anonymous Last-Cup-Of-Coffee Taker as they never once made fresh coffee or even removed the old filter with grounds, much less rinsed out the pot. Die, die, die an uncaffeinated death, ALT.

Hero!

[purpletigron.livejournal.com]

Can't you tell who it might be from the badly shredded document left in the teeth of the machine?

[dd-b.livejournal.com]

Wiktory is your! You are mighty!

I don't understand people who don't report breakages. I guess they feel embarrassed and figure nobody can blame them if nobody knows, or something.

[greyorm.livejournal.com]

You are truly a mighty hero of the New Office Pantheon!

[don-fitch.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes... as Ernulf, Bishop of Rochester, put it (in part):

"[...] May he be cursed wherever he be, whether in the house or the stables, the garden or the field, or the highway, or in the path, or in the wood, or in the water, or in the church. May he be cursed in living, in dying, in eating and drinking, in hungering and thirsting, in fasting, in sleeping, in slumbering, in walking, in standing, in sitting, in lying, in working, in resting, in pissing, in shitting, and in bloodletting.

May he be cursed in all the faculties of his body. May he be cursed inwardly and outwardly. May he be cursed in the hair of his head. May he be cursed in his brains, in his vertex, in his temples, in his forehead, in his ears, in his eyebrows, in his cheeks, in his jaw-bones, in his nostrils, in his foreteeth and grinders, in his lips, in his throat, in his shoulders, in his wrists, in his arms, in his hands, in his fingers, in his mouth, in his breast, in his heart and purtenance, down to the very stomach, in his reins, in his groin, in his thighs, in his genitals, in his hips, in his knees, in his legs, in his feet, and in his toenails.

May he be cursed in all the joints and articulations of his members, from the top of his head to the soal of his foot: may there be no soundness in him. [...]"

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

I was fine with my home shredder until I accidently shredded a piece of paper that had a sticky bit to it. I got all but a tiny piece of sticky out.