Banana Extractor Wanted

Old Joke:

Q: Hey, why do you have a banana stuck in your ear?

A: I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I have a banana stuck in my ear.

I do not have a banana stuck in my ear. I have a banana stuck in both ears. I have some mysterious not-actually-an-ear-infection thing going on with gunk clogging my eustachian tubes and soreness in my ear canals. The doc is not quite sure what the hell I have -- he didn't ever utter the word "idiopathic" but I got the idea. Man this sucks. I hate the part of a cold when my ears get all muffled, and this time I didn't even have the cold to justify the blockage. In many ways, I wish I did have a banana stuck in my ear; then I could just take it out.

Meanwhile I'm taking my bright blue antibiotics like a good girl and living with the taste of dirty pennies in my mouth All The Freaking Time. Ptui.