Another Take On Tone

[akirlu]

Consider the possibility that if some one tells you your choice of words makes it hard for some people to hear your message, this may not be a request to shut up, it might just be a request to find better words. If you can't bear to have people ask you to rephrase, perhaps the problem does not lie in them.

Comments

[greyorm.livejournal.com]

Charitable listening (or reading, or what-have-you) is the converse of the tone argument. Those who regularly complain most about tone or invoke it in discussions of identity politics often seem to utterly ignore this part of the equation.

Of course, those I've seen invoking 'tone' most often defend their not caring about tone for Really Good Reasons (tm) that apply to them (not you), if one attempts to call them out for 'tone'.

I've found the only way it works is like so much other subjectively interpretable social behaviors: Tone is something you worry about for yourself. It is not something you criticize others for. Because the latter is almost always manipulative social control in place of discussion and, depending on context, either paternalism or authoritarianism.

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

Because the latter is almost always manipulative social control in place of discussion and, depending on context, either paternalism or authoritarianism.

Yes! Kinda like the original post, actually.

If you want better words, ask for more and different words. If you want to hear things in a different tone, ask a third party for assistance.