Charitable listening (or reading, or what-have-you) is the converse of the tone argument. Those who regularly complain most about tone or invoke it in discussions of identity politics often seem to utterly ignore this part of the equation.

Of course, those I've seen invoking 'tone' most often defend their not caring about tone for Really Good Reasons (tm) that apply to them (not you), if one attempts to call them out for 'tone'.

I've found the only way it works is like so much other subjectively interpretable social behaviors: Tone is something you worry about for yourself. It is not something you criticize others for. Because the latter is almost always manipulative social control in place of discussion and, depending on context, either paternalism or authoritarianism.